


Flight

by flyed



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Internal Monologue, M/M, POV Alternating, Predominantly Izaya's, Stream of Consciousness, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-05-09 18:19:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5550572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flyed/pseuds/flyed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hi everyone! this is my first fanfic after stalking this fandom for months.<br/>I created this short story with a simple premise of 'Izaya protects Shizuo', and am basically having fun experimenting with writing in first person, different voices of multiple characters, as well as story structure. Please refer to notes for further explanation.<br/>It may be confusing at first, or for those new to this anime/fandom, but i hope you enjoy it, even if a little bit!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

 

he rolls his shoulders and hurls me through the air, the wind racing away from me creating a vacuum in which i will my head forwards, letting my eyes drift towards his furious countenance. i soak it all in. the raw edges of his snarling mouth, the burn of his unseeing eyes, the mist of fury that seeps from his pores. his mouth. his eyes. his pores. _mine. mine. mine._ i crook the edges of my mouth upwards, in a practiced signal of affection i know eludes him, while my mind hurtles across sixty acres of northeast meadow, my pockets filling with flowers. _ha ha_ , that is the sappy sort of poem that my mind sees fit to recite right now, paper wings and dragonflies aeroplaning the soul with sudden blue hilarity, very apt, i’m literally aeroplaning, the sky is indeed hilariously blue. of course I know what ‘Love’ is. if the construction of knowledge is in three parts then ‘belief’ is obviously the most important, if not the only part that is relevant. nobody said the parts had to be equal, nobody said that every part was necessarily relevant, because people don’t work that way. i _know_. i’ve spent 90% of my life observing how humans work and i have watched them latch onto their beliefs so readily, so foolishly, which is how i know they don’t know and how i know i know, because i have exactly 478 files of ‘justification’ from which i learn the ‘truth’. i know their ‘truth’, and they fear me for it as they fear a god. and i accept them all despite their flaws and love them unconditionally as would a god. i am their — !!!

 

*CRASH*

…

ugh.

 

… fuck.

 

head ringing very dizzy ears buzzing nausea fuzzy vision pain A LOT SHARP IN CHEST CAN’T BREATHE… haaouch … concussion ribs broken may have punctured lung. not good better get to Shinra 5 seconds to get away _fuck_ can’t feel legs 4 is that warmth surrounding my head blood wow ha ha shit seems like a lot can i even make 3 blocks to Shinra’s place legs move…! ah, yes finally gotta gogogo ah right gotta smirk...  dammit crowd let me blend among you haven’t you seen blood before even if you haven’t can you _not_ freak out so _obviously_ you might alert a certain monster not far behind.

 

…

…

 

that’s right. monster. Shizu-chan isn’t a human. he doesn’t fear god. he doesn’t fear me. i _can’t_ love him. Shizu-chan isn’t a human nor a god but somehow he knows. he doesn’t know the truth, no, because i can’t let him. I am not a human but a god but i don’t know Shizu-chan. I can’t love him ...

 

 

 _hurts._ owww mhh _.._

 

 

“Shinra ... open up.” now. _pleeeeeaase?_ rolls eyes.

 

…

 

when i smirk at the humans i love i only crook up the left edge a little… when i smirk at Shizu-chan i crook it up a lot, both sides, because i love Shizu-chan a lot more. Shizu-chan doesn’t need to know that.

 

… head’s pounding.

 

God loves all humans… i am a god… therefore i am excluded.

 

… blacking out. dammit Shinra.

  


…

  


_An effulgence._

_Let me come back whole, let me_ ….

 

dammit poem. fuck.

 

 

 

 

**_ヂュラララララララララ！_ **

 

 

 

Fuck. my day is fucking ruined. are these guys even serious!?? i MAKE THEM FLY every damn time. why the fuck do they keep coming back!!? this is the fourth stupid gang this month, and I just got a new job! why can’t these shitheads leave me alone!! It must be the flea’s fault. he makes a perverse hobby of fuckin’ with me. damn flea.

 

it’s a joke. they are all jokes. it’s so fucking _obvious_ that they’re _terrified_ of me. just look at these wimps shaking like leaves. they've probably wet their pants by now. i hate violence.

they should all just leave me alone.

 

i pluck out the nearest streetlamp and wave it around, making a few growling sounds just to scare them a little. wow, some idiot holding a tinyass toothpick actually tried charging towards me ha ha! oops accidentally batted him away. i gaze at the little blob sailing away from here, kids sure have weird fashion sense nowadays. he was wearing a tie-dyed? rainbow-coloured shirt and a yellow bandana. it’s actually quite hilarious-looking. and quite beautiful, if i squint, a rainbow fly, flying across the sky… heh. have a nice flight.

  


“heeeeee...…!!!! m-m-m-monster..!!!”

  


… that. fucking. word. who. the. fuck! i turn my head to face that annoying whimpering voice, slowly, for dramatic effect. standing under the awning in front of my bar, a bald man wearing a gaudy suit was shuffling backwards into the wall, a quivering mess, and is that dark patch over his crotch area _actual_ pee!? yuck! i scrunch my nose and grimace at this pathetic creature before me. i tense my shoulders and take deliberately slow steps towards him, blinking away a formless thought scratching against my skull. what, is this snivelling bug actually making me feel uneasy? ha! if this stupid baldy moron thinks he can call me names in front of my bar — !!!

wait. fuck. _shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit_.

 

“DON’T COME NEAR ME!!! I’LL CALL THE POLICE!!!”

 

wait,wait,wait,dammit! i relax my shoulders, drop the streetlamp and raise my palms as if to surrender.

 

“calm down, baldy — “

 

“GET THE FUCK AWAY!!! YOU’RE FIRED!!! DON’T EVER COME BACK..!!!”

 

I SAID WAIT, GODDAMMIT! … FUCK!

 

…

 

i snapped. it’s happening. i feel it, feel the vein on my forehead pop, fire gather behind my nose bridge in between my eyes, feel the hairs on my skin prickle, and i already know what my body knows to do next. it’s all muscle memory at this point, what did that damn psychiatrist call it, _reflex_? my fingers clench and i know my cigarette is ruined. fuck this shit. stomped on it. heard the bones in my neck and wrists crack. i don’t know what happens after this. i never do. my mind blanks and i don’t remember. this is the part i’m terrified of the most.

 

the next cracking sounds i hear aren’t mine.

 

…

  


i come back to my senses painfully slow, ears catching onto a sharp clapping sound that makes my back tingle. that _stench_ . it’s the _fucking flea_. my teeth involuntarily grit together. my vein twitches again, flames of fury igniting anew. i clench my fists.

 

“my, my, Shizu-chan, a spectacular show, impressive as always. by the way, is that pile of ex-human over there your… boss? hahhaahahha!!!! wow!!! you’re such a _Monster_. Kasuka will be so proud.” that. fucking. smirk.

 

“don’t call me that girly crap. i have a name, and it’s Heiwajima Shizuo!” tch. fucking flea. he’s fucking right. alwaysalwaysalways and it’s always his fault!!! fuck! and i just lost my job again. FUCK! how dare he even SPEAK of my little brother’s name with his vile disgusting mouth! HE made me disappoint Kasuka, again! I FUCKING HATE HIM!!!! HATE HATE HATE HATEHATEHATE KILL KILL KILLKILLKILL _KILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILL_

 

“Shiiiizu-chan? has your protozoan brain finally abandoned your sorry self?”

  


“IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZAAAAAAAAAYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!”

  


“teehee! is Shizu-chan going to profess his undying love for me? kyaaaa! but you’ll have to catch me first! jaa-ne!”

 

fucking flea and his fucking smirk! “GET BACK HERE!!!”

 

“blehh, don’t wanna!”

 

i crush my fingers around the nearest thing, a handle, and rip the front door of the bar clean off its hinges. flung it at the jumping flea. he ducked it easily like he had eyes at the back of his head, and turned to smirk at me. i knew he would, that vindictive bastard, but what he didn’t see coming was the glass door shattering into the wall next to him, shards of thick glass scattering light into his bewildered scarlet eyes. he quickly shut them and brought his arms up to shield his face, stumbling backwards into more glass, before falling flat on his butt. our parkour master on his ass, now that’s a scene you don’t get to see everyday. pffft. flea, there is a piece of glass sticking out from under your foot. and i’m _not_ sorry for ruining your hideous fur jacket. I watch him pick the glass out, mouth stiff and not smirking this time, suddenly realising that my own was open and quickly closed it. The flea got up, disguising his wince with an even uglier smirk, and started running.

 

my anger is mostly gone by now, but i give chase, because that is what we do. he makes my life miserable, and makes me play his stupid little cat and mouse game. i chase him because it is my duty to keep my city clean of pests. that slimy flea got it coming if he thinks he can do his shady shit in _my_ city. _mine._

 

…

 

he just made me lose my fourth job this month.

… !!! GRRRRRAAAAAHHHHHH i’m gonna kill him.

 

…

  


annoying pest.

Let me catch you, let me kill you…!!!

 

damned flea. fuck.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explanation of story structure:-
> 
> The story jumps right into the middle of the timeline, and proceeds with a 'Memento-esque' structure; the first half of each chapter moves forwards from present time, while the second half travels backwards into the past. The present deals with mostly Izaya's POV, whereas the past is unravelled piecemeal through the different POVs of multiple characters and their interactions with Izaya (as well as relationship with others). I did not want to state this information explicitly in chapter headings as i felt it might be fun for readers to discover on their own, but just in case it backfires and becomes just downright confusing... I decided to put it here.
> 
> Lack of capitalisation, pacing, and white space was intentionally designed as such to mirror one's stream of consciousness, which i feel is typically understated in tone as opposed to an omniscient narrator... perhaps non-professional but ah well, i'm closing both eyes on that... besides, i'm not a professional writer! xD (also still in the midst of figuring out the formatting, may make minor edits)
> 
> The poem referenced by Izaya above is Summer Solstice by Stacie Cassarino.
> 
> Sorry for being long-winded. Thanks for reading, and Merry Christmas!


	2. Chapter 2

 

  

my mind stirs. an incessant beeping noise grate at my ears. does that mean i’m still alive? i guess Shinra got to me in time. i actually wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t, since i’m sure i have as much value to him dead or alive. he’d probably display my brain in a jar of formaldehyde on the kitchen counter just to remind Celty that he did try making friends, it’s not his fault that his friend, y’know, died. ha ha! i’m not being bitter — i love that guy. he’s such an enigma! i crack my eyes open fractionally, white light shooting straight through my corneas assault my brain. i quickly shut them, allowing the comforting blackness to envelop me. my mind is eager to start whirring like that whirring machine i’m sure is a ventilator, but my body refuses to clamber out of murky waters. i surrender, letting my consciousness sink into quicksand — just like that poor bar manager, after Shizu-chan slammed his body into the wall and knocked his face — _SHIT — SHIZU—_! i jolt upright instantly, the blaring of the heart rate monitor protesting in alarm as i pull off the oxygen mask, kick off the blankets and swing onto my feet. shut up, i’ve got things to do, places to be. i collapse onto the floor instantly. i gape at my feet, how dare they betraying me... and it appears that i’ve pulled out my IV. shit.

loud scuffling noises outside alert me of my good doctor’s urgent arrival.

 

“IZAYA — what on earth!!” ha ha … i smile sheepishly, gathering my wits.

 

“oh, Shinra, hello. i was just going to say hi!” heh oops. sorry?

 

“Izaya-kun, for goodness sake, you’re not _going_ anywhere, and not _about to go_ anywhere soon, not after suffocating in front of my doorstep! sheesh! now be good and let me help you back to bed.” that’s Shinra’s doctorly speech, chiding me like i’m a spoiled child. he places both arms under my armpits and struggles to lift me up, ok, the pain is now registering. i’ll admit i may or may not have panicked back there.

he whips out his doctorly light sabre and sears my eyes with it. ugh. _i’m fine._

 

“Shinra… how long was i out?”

 

“you were unconscious for three days. you’re healing up nicely after all that sleeping, but when i found you you were in pretty bad condition. you have four fractured ribs, and one of them grazed a lung. that was the most serious. not to mention you were suffering major blood loss from a large laceration on your foot, multiple lacerations over your arms, a contusion spanning your entire back and a severe concussion! it’s a miracle you even made it to my place. how you managed that i cannot fathom but you’re Orihara Izaya, a.k.a Crazy.”

 

… rolls eyes. “yeah, it was a crazy long walk — “

 

“YOU WALKED!? HOLY — you could have called Celty! what the — argh!! i knew you were crazy but you’re _freaking crazy_. at least you sound like you remember what happened. can you tell me now?”

 

i frown. Shinra has zero rights to say that. he’s in love with a _headless_ _Dullahan_. a faerie, non-human, who functions completely fine without her head and leaks black smoke instead of red blood. and i’m not even referring to ‘non-human’ figuratively like me and Shizu-chan, okay maaaybe Shizu-chan, but like … is she even made of meat?? … Shinra is definitely the _freaking crazy_ one here. and he talks too much.

 

“oh, the usual. you know how Shizu-chan likes it rough. heh.” i grin playfully, watching Shinra blush awkwardly. thaaaat sure shut him up. he’s a sadist when it comes to talking about vivisections, but i know that deep down he’s a hopeless romantic who enjoys cuddling and gentle kisses. bleargh. though, i have my bets on a sadistic switch that would show itself suddenly in bed. he would probably make Celty cry. i guess i’ll find out the day Celty _actually_ allows him to get intimate with her. heh.

 

“okay, Shinra, fine i’m crazy. you already knew that. but i assure you that my mental faculties are sound and my memories are intact. now can i get my laptop please?”

 

“no.” … what!!!? i stare at him incredulously. he can’t deny me my laptop!

 

“you need to rest! doctor’s orders. read a book or something. i’m keeping you here for at least two weeks.” he sure is being persistent. maybe he’s _actually_ worried.

 

“… can i at least have my phone? i need to call Namie and put off a few clients.”

 

i flash him my sweetest, most innocent, non-conniving smile and raise the insides of my eyebrows, an effect i’m sure resembles that of a pleading puppy. my beloved humans normally fall for that. Shinra unfortunately isn’t normal, he furrows his brows and appears to be hesitating. i swear, if he dares deny me my phone … i’m climbing out the window tonight.

 

“fine. you can have your phone. for only 1 hour, 3 times a day!”

 

… !!!!

 

damned doctor! what is this a prescription!? ARGGHHH!! i’m going to kill him.

 

“are you hungry? i have you on nutrition IV but you should eat some proper food. i’ll have Celty cook something. get some rest in the meantime, i’ll up your pain med,” he says while shuffling around to check the bandages, fussing over my newly inserted IV cannula, stroking a cooling gel over the bruise i had caused earlier already starting to purple. he has a habit of pushing his thick black-framed spectacles that’s too big for his face up his nose bridge with his middle finger, as if he’s flipping me off. hehehe so comical when so serious. 

i couldn’t suppress a genuine smile, fine i’m not going to kill him. not yet, at least.

Shinra leaves, closing the door softly behind him, and i count ten seconds before taking out my smartphone and a flip phone from the hidden pockets of my fur-trimmed coat, placed on a foldable chair next to the bed. aww my favourite coat is ruined. no matter, i still have five more. for now i have plans to put into action. two weeks is too long to idle in this sick bed, and while i can’t move i have pawns to move on my behalf. i am Orihara Izaya a.k.a. Crazy a.k.a Best Informant of Shinjuku and Ikebukuro afterall.

 

and i’m a busy man.

 

 

 

 

**_ヂュラララララララララ！_ **

 

 

 

Ikebukuro is definitely The Most Wonderful city to live in! The very air itself reverberates with chaotic energy, every drab, grey building hums with mysterious vibe. In the day it appears unassuming, but at night it comes alive, morphing into a giant organism, thousands of roads and dark alleyways forming a network of arteries and capillaries supplying life to its heart — what is this heart you ask? why, my Dearest Celty of course! she is the sweetest of all hearts (even though she doesn’t have one, i checked — it was all indiscernible dark matter in there. (oh the mystery!)), the most beautiful being alive (she’s definitely alive! i don’t know how that works yet, but i’m grateful nonetheless), and she’s currently in _my_ house, in _my_ bed. _mine!!!_

She’s wearing nothing but her black silky nightgown, revealing her long slender thighs, demure clavicles, her pale porcelain neck… there is no sight more perfect than this… except when she’s naked, of course, but i’m grateful nonetheless. (i’ve seen it!!!! i knew then that i fell in love. shhh! Celty doesn’t need to know that.) i slip my fingers in between hers, enjoying her bashful reaction as our palms entwine. i grin playfully, circling the tip of my index finger around her tender knuckle bone, painfully slow… she nearly goes crazy! hehe! she’s in a playful mood too. i’m having the time of my life. teasing her further, i —

 

*BANG BANG*

 

who the —!?

 

…

 

i glare at the door.

 

…

 

*BANG BANG*

 

fffff —

 

shut up, i’ve got things to do, i’m not leaving this place.

Celty shifts, probably reaching for her PDA, and i hold her palm firmly against the sheets.

 

…

…

 

great! i smile gleefully, returning my gaze to Celty, who has begun to fidget nervously.

i haven’t even done the final act yet. my heart is suddenly thrumming rapidly, sweat forming on my face as if to cool my furious cheeks. i swallow the bundle of nerves caught behind my oropharynx, and gingerly pick up her hand. i take a half-breath, and gently press my lips into her soft flesh. … i did it. i’m the happiest man on Earth. i lift my eyes up to meet … hers, and with my most winning smile i whisper: “Celty darling, I Lov —”

 

“ne, Shinra, it’s rude to keep your guest waiting outside, don’t you think?”

 

…… !!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

AAAAARRRRGHHHHHHHH I’M GOING TO KILL HIM!!!!!

 

i storm outside, unable to conceal my rage, scalpel already in hand. i see him leisurely dusting his coat off in my living room, not even bothering to remove his shoes. i practically fly towards him, grabbing his right wrist and shoving my scalpel at his thorax. i spit at him with all the venom pulsing in my veins.

 

“IZAYA, _what the fuck_ ! OF COURSE you had to _ruin_ the best night of my life! _do you know what you’ve done…!_ Celty let me kiss her hand tonight!!! i was telling her i love her and you —”

 

a nagging thought scratches at the back of my skull. i take deep breaths to calm myself while letting it surface. of course it had to be Izaya. i already knew that, from the first banging on the door. nobody would come knocking on my door at 3am; if it was Shiki’s men, he would always call first. if it was Shizuo… he’d probably break down my door anyways. Izaya always knocks twice, and waits. if he had to go so far as to pick my lock … i will away the fury misting over my eyes, to finally take a proper look at Izaya’s face. indeed he looks two shades paler, and glossy with sweat. i lower my scalpel and my rage.

 

“so… what’s wrong?” i mutter guiltily.

 

“sorry i ruined your little date time! i’m kind of glad i didn’t get to witness your _intimate_ moment. that would be soo awkward! wouldn’t want that, ne? speaking of hands, mine’s broken.” he says, pointing to the arm in my grasp. i release it immediately.

 

…

 

 _calm down, Shinra,_ he’s a fucking brat.

 

… next time, pick better people to call _‘friends’_.

 

“you _ruined_ my date with Celty because of a _broken arm_ ? are you _sure_ it couldn’t wait?” ugh. i’m still so pissed.

 

“mmmm… quite sure. if you insist, though, i guess i’ll wait here.” _damn brat._

 

i scoff dismissively and stomp towards the guest room to retrieve medical supplies, spotting Celty standing at the edges of the living room, helmet on, arms folded, black smoke pluming around her neck — clearly hostile. she stuck out her PDA,

 

[ i don’t like him. what is he doing here? ]

 

“sorry, Celty, Izaya-kun broke his arm. i know you don’t like him, i very nearly killed him myself!” i smile apologetically, reconsidering the option to just kill him now. i have no doubt that his injury is due to yet another scuffle with Shizuo, and if Celty found out she would surely smite him with her scythe, and i don’t want Celty to do anything horrifying like kill a person, whether he deserves it or not, because Celty is actually a very gentle and kind-hearted soul! I wouldn’t be able to soothe her sorrow and she would leave me and i would die. i will never let that happen.

 

i hastily run my fingers along Izaya’s arm — comminuted fracture in the right radius — definitely Shizuo’s doing (only he would be capable of that!), wrap it in a splint and throw a sling and painkillers into his lap, eager to get him out of my apartment. tonight i especially refuse to see his face.

 

“Shinra! what is this over-the-counter stuff?? so stingy! can’t you give me something stronger? a narcotic perhaps?”

 

tch… “so you can get high? i didn’t think you were the drug-seeking type, _Orihara-kun._ ”

 

i frown at his usual impish grin, feeling rather confused. something about it feels off… it’s too impeccable, too…  

 

“oh c’mon, _Sensei_ , you know how i hate pain! what is _poor Iza-chan_ going to do if he is unable to get his beauty sleep? it’s unthinkable! it would be hell… nay, _purgatory_! … well, and getting high would be a lovely side effect. heh.”  

 

smooth… he hasn’t cackled like a maniac, he hasn’t even whined about his ‘barbaric protozoan Shizu-chan’ yet. unless… “come with me into the guest room, i’m giving you a full check up.”

 

did he just sigh? so he really is hurt elsewhere? why would he try to hide it? Izaya isn’t the sort to ignore biological instincts of self-preservation, he is practically the most self-serving person i know. although he does take perverse pleasure in messing with Shizuo, which is honestly under the category of suicidal, he rarely gets caught. even when he does, due to what he calls a _miscalculation,_ he gets away with mere broken bones and laughs it off. i motion for him to sit on the bed, softly closing the door behind me. i help him out of his shirt and my heart sinks.

 

an angry purplish-black blotch spills down his chest and abdomen. i release a breath i didn’t realise i was holding, my intestines twisting uncomfortably. for the first time in all my years of practice, a feeling of nervousness settles in my palms. for the first time in all these years, the full weight of our friendship crushes me. i clench my fists and grit my teeth. this is no time to be nervous. the ~~burden~~ responsibility of keeping Izaya alive rests on me. i am Kishitani Shinra, a.k.a. Orihara Izaya’s Only Friend, a.k.a. Best (Underground) Doctor in Ikebukuro afterall.

 

seriously, i’m such a busy man!

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

 

languid afternoon sunrays blanket the city with an illusion of safety. throngs of people shuttle back and forth these streets, never seeming to find a destination that suits them. if it’s the journey that matters, and we are but a summation of our actions, i hardly see how all this speed walking matters at all. how many percent of the day is wasted in mindless walking? and how many percent does that accumulate into, in the lives of each of my beloved humans? how do they matter? that is why, as their god, it is my duty to mould them into better versions of themselves… to help them _self-actualise_. i make every walk count, be it observing humans, intervening with them, testing them, pushing them to their limits…  or taming a human-shaped beast.

 

well, as my humans, of course it is only right that they entertain me. and should they fail me, of course it is only right that i punish them.

 

Blue Squares had failed me before, and i had punished them by swinging the power struggle in Yellow Scarves’ favor. that time, i had landed in a similar predicament of having to risk my life due to their utter incompetency in following instructions. i wasn’t hurt as badly as now, though… Shizu-chan wouldn’t even have managed to catch me if that wretched piece of glass hadn’t attached itself onto my foot. what a costly miscalculation! sigh… i already knew that these petty gangs would stand no chance against Ikebukuro’s beast, but how difficult is it to just lure Shizu-chan away from Awakusu-kai’s territory? they need only run, like the cowards they already are. and now that the Yellow Scarves has failed me too…  how should i punish them this time? it seems that the color gangs have no worth to me at all. Horada is simply an arrogant, power-hungry brat. Masaomi, though, might actually be pretty useful. he’s quick-witted, intuitive and possesses good leadership skills… albeit a little naive, which makes him a perfect pawn. hmmm… that’s right! Saki, his little girlfriend happens to be obsessed with me. lucky~! surely i can use her to get Masaomi under my thumb. heh. now, how should i deal with Shizu-chan for the next two weeks? perhaps i should invest a little more effort into Dollars, the colourless gang that a Ryuugamine Mikado had once created long ago. hehehehehahahahahhahaha!!!!! a three-way war! that would certainly be entertaining!!! … though, the anonymity and lack in hierarchy makes it difficult for me to mobilise them now, and Mikado doesn’t even know that i’m the one pulling the strings behind Dollars… i’ll pay him a visit when i get out of here. for now, i guess the best way would be to… heh.

 

Shizu-chan is going to hate me irrecoverably after this. the next time he sees me, he is actually going to kill me for reals…

i can’t despair now. it’s way too late for that.

 

…

 

“yo, Namie. i’m not dead yet, sorry to disappoint. were you rejoicing over your freedom already? well! that’s too bad. i need you to find out which hospital Nishimura Shoichi, manager of BarNone, is staying at. forward his location, hospital contact and room number to me immediately. bye-bye.”

 

“yo, Masaomi. your pals failed to listen to simple instructions. not only did they fail to bring Shizu-chan to the location i had specified, they did a pathetically fine job of … nothing. i’ll assure you that you will be receiving due punishment. i’ll let you guess the what and how. for now, follow Shizu-chan and give me hourly reports of his location. simple texts will do. bye-bye!”

 

… just in time, i hear footsteps approaching.

 

“Izaya-kun! i’m coming in, your food’s ready.”

 

“thanks, is this chicken soup? are you sure it’s edible? how does Celty cook if she doesn’t eat? so interesting!”

 

“well, she follows recipes and a lot of experimentation basically. hahaha! don’t worry it’s safe i taste-tested it myself.”

 

it might be fun to stay here for a while, i rarely take vacations anyway and a break from work would allow me to concentrate better on crafting this plan. afterall, i don’t need my laptop for that because all important information by default goes into my brain. my laptop serves as a dump of sorts, and well, it has a bigger screen. people get _suuuper_ freaked out, thinking i’m an ESPer or that i just know everything. hahahha!!! so silly. the truth is nothing like that. i’m simply obsessive over my memories and the acquisition of knowledge. couple that with keen observation techniques, and voila… i get to play mastermind behind everybody’s seemingly coincidental actions, thus feeding my illusion of a god. that feeling … really is pretty great. hahah! hahahahaa!!!! seriously!!! i love humans so much!!! … and they should love me back. this soup isn’t half bad at all. tastes so normal, from a being so abnormal! how interesting indeed!

 

“Izaya-kun, don’t you think you had better stop provoking Shizuo-kun so much? afterall, we’re not that young anymore. it’s not like in high school, where everyday is all about fun and inconsequential.”

 

… you make sense, Shinra, and i’m sorry to burden you with my life, but it’s impossible.

 

“*GASP* Shinra! how dare you insinuate such a thing?? i’m so hurt — mind you, i’m forever 21! besides, dealing with humans everyday gets kind of boring. i love my humans, but they are so predictable sometimes. what better way to lift my spirits than to play with a completely unpredictable beast? ha ha!” that isn't a lie, unless you count lies of omission, which i don't.

 

Shinra rolls his eyes, "yeah, yeah, and since when do you, Orihara Izaya, risk your life _for fun_? either you've gone completely insane, or you're thaaat lonely and depressed, or you've got a better reason you're not telling us. ... or, the real Orihara Izaya has been abducted and replaced by aliens! ... it better not be aliens!!! Celty is terrified of those."

 

... very perceptive, Shinra, you always exceed my expectations.

 

"why, then, i guess i must be thaaat lonely and depressed! perhaps i've just been repressing my love for Shizu-chan all these years! oh woe is me!!" i flail my arms dramatically, feeling my cheeks heat up. it's exceedingly ironic how i can only be honest in a situation where i discount the truth. being hyper-self aware doesn't matter one bit if your actions don't contribute to a positive outcome, and intentions don't matter one bit because they do not leave a single residue unto the world.

 

"pffft. fine, you don't have to over-exaggerate. i know how you both hate each others' guts on first sight, i was there! perhaps responsible for that, sigh. i'm just worried, because despite your inhuman parkour skills and messiah complex (okaaay and brains to execute your insane master plans), your body happens to be unfortunately very human! you can't keep taking a beating like that, you might seriously die one day. you look quite flushed are you feeling alright?"

 

Shinra places a cool hand on my forehead, brushing damp hair away. i blush harder, feeling somewhat embarrassed at his unexpected display of tenderness... this is not an emotion i'm usually on the receiving end of. a sudden wave of tiredness washes over me, and i am fain to lean into this gesture as if a lulling ebb and flow of tides.

 

"i think i'll put you on antibiotics, you might be developing a fever. sleep well, i'll check on you again at dinnertime."

 

i nod vaguely, ready to welcome sleep. but before that i have another phone call to make.

 

"hello, is this Nishimura Shoichi-San? how are you doing? i am Orihara Izaya, and i was just calling to let you know that i am willing to testify against the man who beat you up in front of your bar three days ago, should you wish to press charges. you probably don't remember me, but i was witness to that horrifying event and was a collateral casualty myself. i can't believe that there is actually such a dangerous atrocity wandering about our city, and we should definitely help each other to keep denizens safe from this beast… i have connections in the police force who will help you with all the paper work, not to worry. i'll see to it that your justice is served. i look forward to hearing from you soon. take care and i wish you a speedy recovery. goodbye."

 

...

 

woe goes by the name of Orihara Izaya.

 

 

 

 

**_ヂュラララララララララ！_ **

 

 

 

there is not one day that i manage to get peaceful sleep, not since my unexpected meeting with a kid two years ago. we Awakusu-kai are honorable members of the yakuza, one of the influential groups in Ikebukuro, and we never allow kids to get involved in our business. our world is unforgiving and not a suitable place for normal folks. we stalk the night and move within shadows, and those who join our family are those who have strayed irrecoverably far from the sun. these people may never rejoin society nor walk with their own families in the light. we have enemies everywhere. the sparks never die out around us. people fear us and normally keep away, but this particular kid, on the other hand… is most definitely not normal. there’s something off about him, but i can’t quite figure it out … yet.

 

“Shiki-no-Danna. why are you looking so grave? thinking about that Orihara kid again?”

 

it’s Mizuki-kun. i take a long, wistful look at the scar that runs across his eyelid and down his right cheek, a permanent mark of loyalty that is significant to both of us in probably different ways. for him, i speculate that it has to do with a woman. that would certainly explain his change in personality from the fearsome “Red Devil” into a mellow man capable of such a gentle smile. as for me… it becomes a constant reminder of the endless violence and sacrifices we make just by existing in the underworld. i appreciate people like Mizuki-kun, and my family in Awakusu-kai who understand the concept of loyalty and are willing to give up parts of themselves to protect this bond we share. Orihara, i cannot trust. his face is too smooth— not a single scratch on his creaseless skin, not a wrinkle from a frown nor a crinkle of genuine smile. he hides behind smokes and mirrors, obfuscating the truth with easy lies that roll from his tongue. it infuriates me that we rely on his information, but he would do better to not underestimate us.

 

“ahh… there must be a bigger picture that we’re not seeing. no normal kid fresh out of high school would seek us out _simply_ for money and fame. sure, kids are often ambitious and reckless, but this Orihara-kun is smart… perhaps too smart for his own good. what is he planning? why would he offer to help us? there’s something that i’m missing here.”

 

“Shiki-no-Danna… Orihara-kun is certainly smart, but you don’t reckon he thinks he can take on the whole Awakusu-kai? he probably wouldn’t be able to outsmart Shiki-no-Danna, and as far as i know he is working alone. besides, he has proven his worth, hasn’t he? and we pay him hefty amounts for his services, it’s not like he helps us for free.”

 

“that is certainly true, but still ….” i cannot shake off the feeling that this kid is a child of misfortune. it might be those blood-coloured irises. am i being superstitious?

 

*CRASH*

 

*BANG*

 

…

 

“what the hell is all this commotion about??”

 

“Shiki-Sama. Akabayashi-San. we had a run-in with Heiwajima Shizuo during a business transaction earlier, and several of our men had been taken out. two of them are still unconscious and we had to carry them back. the transaction was incomplete, but the client got away unharmed. we are truly sorry for our failings!”

 

…  

 

yet another crazy kid. what is up with kids these days? makes me feel like i’m getting on in my age.

 

“Shiki-no-Danna, what should we do about Heiwajima Shizuo? this is the fifth time he’s meddled in our dealings… many of our men have fallen victim to his rampages and our clients are already beginning to avoid our turf just knowing that Heiwajima-kun walks along these streets. it’s bad for business. the higher ups will soon pressure us.”

 

… i don’t usually bother with kids, but i have a duty to protect my men. Heiwajima Shizuo, Ikebukuro’s strongest… he seems to have anger management issues, though he seems like a good kid. but Mizuki-kun is right. it’s bad for business.

 

“for now, send out some men to capture him unharmed. his strength might be useful if we can get him to cooperate with us. also, request a meeting with Orihara for 10pm tonight. we’ll survey the area 20 minutes beforehand.”

 

…

 

9.40pm. we’ve circled twice around Orihara’s apartment in Shinjuku and found no signs of suspicious or police activity. he sure chose a quiet place to live in, the glaring contrast to his character i am unable to fathom… for a person who claims to love humans with such incredible vivacity, he picked a street with hardly anybody at all, save for a blond kid who walked by earlier… isn’t an apartment complex in this area extremely expensive? if he’s that wealthy, how many other clients does he have? how many other yakuza groups does he work for? and how many among them are rivals of Awakusu-kai? … tch. kids should act their age. and just when i’m thinking that, here comes Orihara skipping towards the car as if he’s the most carefree child in the world. can i really figure him out?

 

“Shiki-San, pleasure. what can i do for you on this beautiful evening?”

 

“Orihara-San, good evening to you too. I’ll cut to the chase — what do you know about Heiwajima Shizuo?”

 

“ah, Heiwajima Shizuo a.k.a. Ikebukuro’s Fighting Doll a.k.a. Monster, ne? 21 years old, birthday January 28th. he has a father, mother, and a little brother Hanejima Yuuhei, the young and rising actor who stars in many movies alongside Hijiribe Ruri, you’ve heard of her, i’m sure? heh. graduated from Raijin Academy, current occupation is a bartender on Westside. though, i’m not sure if he has been fired already, since he never lasts longer than two weeks in any given job so far. his debt to the Tokyo Metropolis stands at 2.4 million yen, but is continuously increasing. he has inhuman strength due to the lack of a natural limiter on his body, and can be frequently seen throwing trash cans, people and vending machines about. as of late, such sighting is fast becoming a tourist attraction! isn’t that wonderful? perhaps the reason he could get away with so much damage to public property is because the Tourism Bureau is protecting him. ha ha!  and, needless to say, the fact that nobody is able to capture him of course. why the sudden interest in Shizu-chan, Shiki-San?"

 

“... ‘Shizu-chan’? that’s a pretty affectionate-sounding nickname. he was your classmate in Raijin Academy, yes? are the two of you good friends then?”

 

“... hahahhahaahhaaha!!!! don’t make such a bad joke, Shiki-San. i’m sure you know we hate each other! we’ve been trying to kill each other for five years now.”

 

… it’s actually pretty creepy when he cackles like a maniac, then just stop abruptly like that. … kids should _really_ act their age. “thank you for your information, Orihara-San. i’ll expect a full report by next week and will transfer the money to your usual bank account.”

 

“ah… Shiki-San, my sincere apologies. i’m afraid that that’s all the information i have on Heiwajima Shizuo. that monster is still very much a mystery even to myself. as a sign of goodwill, you may hold off on the payment until i acquire information that is useful to you. as always, please don’t hesitate to seek my service. till next time.”

 

…

…

 

“Shiki-no-Danna, i’ve just received a report that our men had failed to capture Heiwajima Shizuo. apparently, he was mobbed outside his workplace by a gang dressed in blue, probably the local colour gang Blue Squares. it seems that he had sent a bunch of them flying, but then suddenly roared and took off, chasing a skinny brunette dressed in full black… that description sounds like Orihara-kun, doesn’t it? i’ll check the surveillance cameras on site.”

 

…

 

what game is he playing? he shouldn’t know about our plan to acquire Heiwajima Shizuo yet. is it a coincidence? how much does he know? my gut is telling me that this kid is way more dangerous than i had expected. in a battle of wits, Orihara Izaya might just be Ikebukuro’s strongest.

 

i don’t believe in coincidences. a person with no loyalties remains a wild card. and if these two wild cards are going to cost me much more than i can afford, then of course it is only right that i dispose of them myself.

lets hope it never comes down to that.

 

…

 

the devil must go by the name of Orihara Izaya.

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

 

one week is more than enough time for me to start a fire. all it takes is a spark — one random, ill-fated spark to catch on, and pass on, and spread, before bursting into a full-forced conflagration that never dies out for days or weeks or months or years. people are quick to blame the person holding the match, branding him a villain, but what they conveniently disregard is the fact that the environment is the one supporting the flame. and what about all those holding a fan, how are they more innocent? if all i did was to create a tiny spark, as opposed to the fanners spurring said spark into an all-out fire, how is their crime any less severe? sure, i acted with motive, whereas the others had unwittingly committed a sin… but being ignorant does not equate to innocence. being ignorant does not grant you automatic absolution, because you are still accountable. you are still at fault. you are responsible for knowing better.

 

\- - - - - Kanra entered the chatroom - - - - -

 

[Kanra]: Mooooooooorning~~~!!! Kanra-chan’s here~~

[Tanaka Taro]: Hello, Kanra-San :)

[Setton]: Oh hello, Kanra-kun.

[Kanra]: Ne, ne, have you guys heard about it..?

[Tanaka Taro]: Heard about what?

[Setton]: …?

[Bakyura]: There Kanra-chan goes again! Gossip Queen for the win~!

[Kanra]: Hmmm…. i don’t know if i should say it afterall…

[Bakyura]: Whaaaaat just tell us!!!

[Tanaka Taro]: Yeah… what is it?

[Setton]: What happened?

[Kanra]: I guess i’ll say it! Well, i heard that there was going to be an all-out gang war! Kyaaa!!!! So scary, ne?

[Bakyura]: …

[Setton]: 0.0 Whom did you hear that from??

 

\- - - - - Tanaka Taro started a private chat session with you - - - - -

**[Tanaka Taro]: Kanra-San, what do you mean by all-out gang war? Who is doing this?**

**[Kanra]: Ah, of course, i meant a gang war between the colour gangs and Dollars, ne?**

**[Kanra]: The rivalry between Blue Squares and Yellow Scarves has been going on for** **quite some time now, but there are rumors that the Dollars is planning a major** **take over, by infiltrating both gangs and wiping them out from the inside!!!**

**[Tanaka Taro]: Eh???**

**[Kanra]: So scaryyyyyy …. these Dollars ….**

 

[Kanra]: I heard some guys from Dollars talking about it yesterday! Apparently the Blue Squares are making a move against the Yellow Scarves, and Dollars are using this opportunity to plan a take over after both sides are weakened. The Dollars are so scary, aren’t they?

[Tanaka Taro]: … Are they that scary?

[Kanra]: Indeed! They’re soooo scary!!!!!

[Kanra]: SoOoOo Scaaaryyyy, Dollars …

[Setton]: Ah! Sorry! I have an urgent appointment, sorry to leave so suddenly! Talk again soon!

[Tanaka Taro]: Me too, i suddenly remembered that i have something to do… Sorry! Bye everyone!

[Bakyura]: Ah… ok. Then, me too. Bye~

[Kanra]: Bye-bye~~~! ^u^v

 

\- - - - - Setton left the chatroom - - - - -

\- - - - - Bakyura left the chatroom - - - - -

\- - - - - Tanaka Taro left the chatroom - - - - -

\- - - - - The private chat session with Tanaka Taro has ended - - - - -

 

\- - - - - Kanra left the chatroom - - - - -

 

\- - - - - Gaki left the chatroom - - - - -

\- - - - - There are 0 guests left in this chatroom - - - - -

 

hehahahhahaehhahahaha!!!!!! Tanaka Taro, or should i say Ryuugamine Mikado-kun, what are you going to do now? How will you feel when you find out that your best friend secretly happens to be the leader of Yellow Scarves? i can’t wait!!! now then … show me the true face behind your mask of innocence.

 

*Beep* a message so soon? sparks sure fly fast!

 

[ Izaya-San, i heard from Masaomi-kun that there might be a gang war instigated by Blue Squares, is that correct? Masaomi-kun is all stressed out right now, but he refuses to ask anyone for help. Is there anything i can do to help Masaomi-kun? Please tell me. Even if my feelings for him are one-sided, I can’t just sit around and watch him suffer. ]

 

Saki… we’re so similar even in that respect. i guess that’s why i made you my apprentice, of sorts. i feel sorry for you, but don’t take this personally… i simply need to teach Masaomi a lesson. he has been very complacent of late, but he needs to understand that what i ask of him isn’t a game. it isn’t a game when someone you love is at stake.

 

[ Hi, Saki! how are things between you two lately? Masaomi-kun sure is stubborn sometimes, ne? well… the best way to stop his suffering is to end the gang war, but it seems that Blue Squares are bent on taking back power. Now that Yellow Scarves has gotten strong thanks to me, Masaomi-kun doesn’t seek my advice anymore. i guess he would still listen to you though. if your life was at risk, perhaps Masaomi-kun will realise that his little game is getting out of hand and disband the gang. maybe you can let Blue Squares kidnap you? LOL. i’m kidding. *shrugs* good luck though! ]

 

…

 

i’ve set the cogs turning, the wings of the proverbial butterfly flapping. whatever happens now is out of my control. i’ve given these pieces a nudge on the chessboard, but what they choose to do is ultimately by their own volition. i am a fair god. i love all humans equally, and every possibility including redemption has a fair chance of happening. things are going smoothly. now i sit back, observe, and judge. my lovely humans… make it grand, and _burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders_ across the golden architraves of Pandemonium _;_ march to Mecca and weep into stones; build a tower of Babel into the heavens and burn it down, for who needs god, then spill your guts over the rooftops for you shall not be forgiven — but rise again whole… build me a new place and call it Jerusalem; build me a new place to slice into pieces.

 

…

 

“Izaya-kun~ you’re up early! what evil master plan are you hatching this time? i bought you ootoro for breakfast.”

 

“good morning, Shinra. ootoro!!! oh yay! Celty’s not home? where did she go?”

 

“hmmm i don’t know, she suddenly got up and left, saying that Shizuo-kun is in trouble or something.”

 

“Shizu-chan? did he actually get arrested for destroying public property? or did he finally kill someone?”

 

“Izaya-kun! stop saying such nonsense. you know Shizuo-kun will never kill anyone… not intentionally, at least.”

 

ha ha… thanks baldy. i owe you one. or not, since i merely made a suggestion. really, people are so impressionable.

 

*Beep Beep*

 

“... … WHAT!? Izaya … do you have something to do with this? Celty just informed me that Shizuo-kun is in jail now. he was arrested this morning, and was charged for assault and battery, including damage to property! seriously, Izaya, you know that Shizuo is a good friend of Celty’s. you sure love putting me in a tough spot! of all the games you play to mess up his life, JAIL!? that will SERIOUSLY WRECK him! i can’t believe you..!”

 

“... the hell? thanks for immediately concluding that i was behind this, Shinra. your lack of faith in me is truly inspiring.”

 

i had heard the door click open, though Shinra probably hadn’t. he’s _soo_ noisy and seriously doesn’t know when to shut up. Celty would be furious alright, and yep, she is more than overqualified in her abilities to kill me. why do i surround myself with OP urban legends and dangerous people!?? ah, right. birds of a feather flock together. and i usually ensure that i am well beyond reach. Celty will reach this room in 6 seconds, not enough time to exit the window. i clench my jaw, bracing myself for her onslaught… but that didn’t happen. instead, the guests who had let themselves in Shinra’s house and sauntered into the living room were an Awakusu-kai executive and his “Red Devil”. and that floored me much harder than Celty’s scythe ever would.

 

“Shiki-San! Akabayashi-San! whatever brought you to my house? i wasn’t previously informed to expect your arrival.”

 

“Good morning, Kishitani-Sensei. Please pardon our intrusion. i don’t have a favour to request of you today, but i had heard that you were housing a patient with whom i am acquainted. i merely wish to pay him a visit and give him my regards, if that is amicable with you.”

 

heh. such sly phrasing, Shiki-San. ‘i don’t have a favor to request of you’, ergo this is not a request but a demand, or a _threat_ , re: if you wish to remain amicable with Awakusu-kai, you shall comply. from that sentence alone i have no doubt that this _‘intrusion_ ’ is far from friendly but rather an interrogation; that’s fine, i have questions as well. for starters, how the hell did he know i was here? … did he hear Shinra prattle? how will he broach the topic without revealing his plan to capture Shizu-chan? i have to be on top of my game. it’s already difficult to play Shiki as it is, without this monitor confessing my vitals like a damn polygraph. how do i cheat? removing it would be too obvious …. ah, got it.

i swiftly lowered the morphine level to zero, sinking my head further back into the pillows as pain began diffusing throughout my body like blunt knives … fff… fuck!! okay, maybe one.… ughhhaa … gotta bear with this. let's see... heartbeat erratic, i'm obviously sweaty and pale from pain.

 

... let the games begin.

 

“Shiki-San, Akabayashi-San, how kind of you to visit little ol’ me! to what do i owe the pleasure? Shinra, these gentlemen are my esteemed clients. did you inform them of my condition on my behalf? that is so very sweet of you but you shouldn’t have! i’m sure they are very busy people. Shiki-San, my apologies for interrupting your schedule.”

 

Shinra looks as confused as a duck, ha ha. he obviously has no clue about my dealings. from my peripheral vision i see Shinra steal furtive glances at the monitoring machine beeping the wrong readings, and attempted to convey a subtle shake of head by turning my neck back and forth towards him and then the other men. he got it, i think? _hope?_

 

“... well that’s my first time hearing of it,” he finally spluttered, “i’ll get some tea.”

 

“Orihara-San, it was not Kishitani-Sensei who had informed us. thank you but no need to bother, Kishitani-Sensei, we will be gone shortly. Orihara-San seems to be suffering. we won’t linger for long.” tch, negating the question with a non-answer. so it wasn’t Shinra, but somebody else did?

 

"... i'll be right outside if you need me," Shinra says to them, but i knew it was directed at me.

 

…

 

"Shiki-San, how did you know i was here? i must say i'm quite surprised." _you found me._

 

"Orihara-San, you don't think we wouldn't care about the wellbeing of our best informant, do you? our men reported that they had witnessed a fight between you and Heiwajima-San outside a bar on our territory. we visited your apartment but your secretary Namie-San had informed us that she has not seen you in days. there were no hospital records of a patient with your name being admitted. we... simply guessed that you might be here."

 

 _guessed!?!?_ i'm sure. either their surveillance on me is tighter than i had expected, which i highly doubt since i've been careful, or someone had leaked my information... who could it be? did Shiki find another informant?

 

“ahh… i _happened_ to be in the area for a business meeting, it was soo boring i could die. i wanted to play! as you know, i’ve made a hobby out of of taming beasts, but this beast is still as unpredictable as ever. that’s what makes it fun, though, it seems that i’ll be stuck here for a few weeks. i won't be taking on any jobs for awhile, so sorry.”

 

“like how Heiwajima-San is now stuck in jail? we overheard Kishitani-Sensei saying something like that when we first came in. i cannot help but feel that such a punishment is too easy for his crimes. why don’t you leave it to us? we’ll see to it that he receives a punishment befitting him.” _damn you._

 

“contrary to popular belief i wasn’t the one who got him arrested, though now that you mention it both of us being stuck in a room sure has uncanny symmetry! it might be fun, since i’m sure being in jail would do a number on that beast. i think i'd like him to stay there."

 

… the pain is nearly intolerable now. i feel nauseated and my head's splitting… i’ve got to end this soon.

 

“Orihara-San… we insist. we cannot simply forgive anyone who did such harm to our best informant. why are you protecting him?” _why do you say that as a statement? someone must have betrayed me._

 

“... i’m not protecting him, i merely wish to observe how he would react in this new environment. thank you for your offer, and i don’t mean any disrespect but i don’t like it when others interfere in my games. i’d very much prefer to handle it myself. don’t take away my fun, Shiki-San!” i squeeze my arms against my ribcage, inducing a pain so intense that i have to slouch forward to receive it. _just leave already…_

 

“Orihara-San — ” the ECG peaked and shrilled, causing Shinra to burst through the door immediately. _thanks._

 

“IZAYA! Please Leave, Shiki-San, Akabayashi-San, my patient is clearly not well enough for visitors!”

 

“very well. apologies for disrupting your rest. Orihara-San, we are of the same understanding. i don’t like it when others interfere in my business as well. i’ll leave you to do things your way. best regards and get well soon.”

 

… _and you’ll do things your way. we are of the same understanding alright._

 

Shinra rushes over to my side, pushing my shoulders back onto the bed, injecting a syringe of liquid directly into the IV port. pain recedes into numbness and i grin at Shinra, who finally noticed that i had turned down the morphine and is now gaping at me wide-eyed, a mixture of confusion, anger and shock flitting across his face like migrating birds.

 

“did you… do that to yourself? why?? and since when did you work for the yakuza? they’re dangerous, Izaya.”

 

“haa… i could say the same, Shinra. you seem to have close ties with them, since Shiki even has the key to your apartment… and let himself in as if it’s the natural thing to do. they _are_ dangerous, Shinra…”

 

“duh, i’m an underground doctor, who do you think funds my operations? why did they come to find you? how did they even know that you’re here?? you seriously shouldn’t mess with them, Izaya, don’t involve them in your games.”

 

… good question. how did they find me? who could betray me? nobody even knows why i do what i do.

 

“… this isn’t a game. i have my reasons.”

 

Shinra slumps into the chair next to my bed and buries his fingers in his hair. he looks about to rip them out. i feel sorry for the poor guy but i really don’t know what to say… should i tell him? but i don’t want to involve him either, even though it’s probably already too late by now. Shiki coming here and confronting me serves as a direct threat; the aggression underlying his polite demeanor means that the Awakusu executive is going for offense as the best defense. which means, i’m probably in trouble. seriously, yakuza will always be yakuza. _why.. so.. seee-rii-ousssss??_

 

“i'm sorry —”

 

“DON'T—  just. whatever your reason is, it better be damn well worth it!! just WHO do you think is going to be the one receiving your body bag and handling your post-mortem?? you DON'T have _ANYONE ELSE_ , IZAYA! i don't think i deserve to be in the dark if some serious shit is happening!”

 

arghh _goddammit!_ how dare he guilt-trip me!?

"it has to do with Shizu-chan, okay?”

 

…

 

“ … what?”

 

“Shinra... i'm just trying to … protect him.” i roll my eyes and gesticulate wildly with possessed hands.

 

he now stares at me like deer in headlights, jaw slack, blinking away the question marks i can see him palpably shooting at me through his eyeballs. he opens and closes his mouth a few times, the sign of several false starts and finding none to mask obvious disbelief. it’s kind of flattering, since it goes to show that i’m just _that great_ of an actor.

 

“ ... since when? are you saying that Shizuo-kun is in some trouble with Awakusu-kai?”

 

“well, since high school. we all know how Shizu-chan is a protozoan beast who just cannot be reasoned with, ne? as you have said before, back then it was all about fun and inconsequential. we would occupy our time after school chasing each other until our legs were dead tired! but once we graduated into the outside world… it isn’t difficult to predict that Shizu-chan might one day anger the yakuza, beating up random people when he rages like that, ne?”

 

i try a flippant tone to lift the weight of this burdensome conversation but to no avail. Shinra’s head is back in his hands and looks about to explode, processing, referring and reinterpreting 6 years worth of memories at lightspeed, probably disappointed in himself for missing such a minute yet vital detail. i cross my fingers hoping that as clever as he is, he would never reach the truth. at least not until after i escape from here …

 

i have to leave. i can’t involve Shinra any further.

 

tonight i’ll be gone.

 

 

 

 

**_ヂュラララララララララ！_ **

 

 

 

it’s been one week..! it’s been one week, and i’ve still got a job. one week and i haven’t been fired. today is a beautiful day. i can’t even begin to describe how elated i am, how precious this is to me. i guess most people wouldn’t understand why this is a big deal, but most people wouldn’t ever be able to understand me. my… circumstances would have it that i cannot hold onto any job for more than two weeks. scratch that, i will be lucky to even last one week without breaking a single thing. and now here i am, cleaning this fragile, highly breakable glass, completely unable to suppress this goofy smile i know is plastered on my face. this glass that would shatter into dust the moment i get careless and press my fingers into it a little harder. i’ve never enjoyed a job so much before. ahh sure, i have to control my strength as always but the payoff is that i get to beat up rowdy customers and throw out drunkards. i even get thanked for it! the bar manager praised me two days ago calling me a hero bartender slash bouncer? not sure why he called me a bouncer, maybe it was how i sent those small-timer punks bouncing onto the sidewalks when they started fighting and causing a ruckus. i don’t really get the point of alcohol, but it’s funny the effect it has on some people. their faces turn red like beetroot and they start talking funny. ha ha! and i get to observe all this from a safe distance behind the bar. i think i understand why the flea likes observing people from afar, it’s actually pretty enjoyable— gahhhh!!! did i just think of the flea!? yuck! i’m not going to spoil my beautiful day with —

 

speak of the devil!!!!

 

isn’t that the flea right outside!? the hell is he doing in Ikebukuro, i thought i made it clear for him to stay away! FUCK i broke the damned glass. clean it later. i rush outside, nearly smashing straight through the front door.

 

… eh? where did the flea disappear to? … … was that my imagination?

 

…

 

arghhh he better not let me see his face. i’ll punch it in. seriously fucking hate that _pest_ . why does he keep _pestering_ me!? … _it_ . that flea ain’t human, _it_ doesn’t want to be one anyway. always putting himself above others, claiming to be some kind of self-made god. what kind of god just fucks around with people’s lives for entertainment? he goes on and on like a creep about how much he loves humans but he doesn’t know what love is. if he does in fact have even the slightest clue, then he has a fucking warped way of showing it. … isn’t he just confusing hate for love? i don’t get him. i could never bear to bring harm to the people i love. i would protect them with my life.

 

“nii-san, your hand’s bleeding.”

 

i look up, Kasuka’s standing in front of the bar counter. a full minute of silence passes as i relish the moment in awe. Kasuka has never visited me before. we haven’t even talked in months. i was always too ashamed to pick up the phone whenever he called because i haven’t landed a steady job since i graduated a year ago. the edges of my mouth involuntarily slide upwards into an awkward grin. here is a person i love. love should be like this. love should make you smile involuntarily, make you want to be a better person, make you feel glad to be alive.

 

“nii-san. your hand.”

 

my hand? why does he keep saying that? _oh_. it’s bleeding. pfft didn’t even notice. i pick up a cloth and wrap it around my hand while Kasuka motions to his bodyguards, who began plopping cardboard boxes onto the countertop. ?????

 

“it’s a gift. since you will be needing a lot of these.”

 

the boxes were filled with neatly folded shirts pants vests and bowties, the standard three-piece bartender uniform.

 

“nii-san… i think you should settle down with a permanent job.”

 

i nod, swallowing a lump lodged in my throat, feeling the threat of tears. “let me mix you a drink.”

 

“it’s alright. i have to get going.”

 

i let my eyes linger over his expressionless face, “hey Kasuka, let’s have a meal together soon.”

 

he replies with a curt nod and leaves as quietly as he came.

 

i put the boxes away, blushing insanely to myself at Kasuka’s gentleness. seriously, he acts more like an older brother than me. he’s way more accomplished, and never loses control over his emotions. even though he speaks very little and has a blank slate for a face, we have no problems communicating wordlessly. i know that Kasuka’s detached manner probably has something to do with me. he may have developed an appearance devoid of emotions to balance my overwhelming one. in a sense, we compensate for each other and therefore need each other to fulfil our lacking counterpart. i guess we’re pretty extreme. heh. i’m so proud of Kasuka though i wish he would rely on me too.

 

it’s now dusk. light will soon give way to darkness. Ikebukuro isn’t a safe place at night, the air shifts restlessly and the whole city reeks. still, the thought of moving to a different city has never crossed my mind. it’s probably only here, where so many strange beings intersect like a freaking crossroads for weirdos that i will ever be able to feel a sense of belonging. …i wonder if Kasuka personally picked his bodyguards? … i know he’s not a kid anymore but i still worry. Kasuka shouldn’t have to suffer because of me. i take a long drag from my cigarette and exhale slowly to the losing light. from my peripheral vision i see a few men in suits conducting some shady business in a nearby alley, something something… drugs? how dare they defile a place that Kasuka visits! i chuck my cigarette and walk towards the men. the black suits immediately form a wall between myself and a shaky fella clutching onto a briefcase.

 

“He-He-Heiwajima Shi-Shizuo!”

 

i fly towards the human wall and swing my fists. these guys are tougher than the punks that pick random fights with me on the streets, but i manage to knock a few of them out. i grab the briefcase from the shaking idiot and he let out a high-pitched squeal before scurrying away. with the briefcase as a weapon i quickly knock out the rest of them, not that i need a weapon anyway. pffft. fucking scum and their fucking drugs. why can’t everyone just be peaceful and normal around here!? i smash the briefcase open and scatter the drugs into the sewer. disgusting shit. consider this a favour for humanity. call it a coincidence, but it’s not my fault if these idiots are stupid enough to deal in front of a bar that a _monster happens_ to be working at. seriously, people should know better. heading back to the bar, i spot a trailer of Kasuka’s latest movie playing on the electronic billboard of the building opposite. heh. i’ll work hard too, otouto.

 

…

 

the rest of my shift ended without mishap, but perhaps i had jinxed it earlier by thinking it out. the flea is _here_ . i can smell his presence in the air. it _seriously reeks_ of flea. everything reeks. it reeks it reeks it reeks it reeks it reeks it reeks it reeks it reeks it reeks it reeks it reeks it _reeks it reeks it reeks it reeks it reeks it reeks it reeks_ it _REEKS!!!!_

i leave the bar and sure enough a blue gang surrounds me. where’s the damn flea!? that conniving bastard always hiding behind a bunch of useless morons just to piss me off! there he is, fucking flea! he hasn’t seen me yet. why’s he bloody zoning out after causing this mess? i blast through a bunch of them and throw the nearest thing— a trash can, perfect — it smashes squarely into his chest and sends him flying a few metres down the road. he picks himself up, dusts his coat off and whips out his flick blade. too slow. i close the gap in a single stride and grab his right forearm.

 

he pierces me with glowering eyes, lips tightening into a half-smirk.

“always resorting to violence first, Shizu-chan, that is why i just can’t reason with you.”

 

somehow, i can tell. the flea’s in a bad mood. i squeeze my fingers into his arm and feel his bone snap under the force. the flick blade clatters onto the ground but the flea didn’t even flinch.

 

“let me go.”

 

his solemn behaviour caught me off guard. there’s something off about the flea today. this is the first time i’ve ever seen him without the goofy smirk that he probably wears to appear intimidating, and his voice is not as annoyingly sing-songy. … i… can’t help but feel kinda curious to know why. my momentary lapse in attention was cut by the swish of another…  blade? fuck … damned flea sliced through my uniform! how many flick blades does that stupid louse carry around him anyways!? i look up, a snarl ready on my face, but the flea is gone.

 

…

 

“so i saw Izaya outside of my bar today. of course he knows where i work, that damned busybody knows everything. i thought i saw him in the afternoon too but when i went outside he disappeared. just now he sent some gang after me as usual and we fought a little, but then he suddenly disappeared again. i don’t know why, but i think he’s stalking me. there’s something brewing, i can feel it. Izaya’s been coming to Ikebukuro a lot more lately. what is he planning? i’ll probably never figure out what goes on in his damn head but i just _know_ he’s planning something. i have to stop him.”

 

[ … you’ll be alright. that guy is always up to no good anyways, it’s been so many years and he hasn’t grown up at all. don’t let him affect you! you’ve finally found a good place in life. i believe you’ll be able to keep you temper in check and hold onto this job. you look good in a bartender uniform! ha ha :) besides, you love Kasuka, don’t you? ]

 

heh. my face grew hot and my cheeks flush furiously. i lift a palm up to shield my widening grin,

 

“yeah, i do. i really do.”

 

Celty pats me on the shoulders and rides away into the night. i raise a hand to wave goodbye and light a cigarette. i really appreciate Celty for moments like this. she’s my best, if not only friend, and she understands me because she’s like me. we’re both not normal beings. she knows what it’s like to be feared and labelled and called a monster, even though her character and mannerisms are more gentle, kind and human than most humans out there.

she’s as kind as Kasuka.

 

i rest my neck against the highway railing, bathing my musings in the soft glow of moonlight. a flutter of black caught my attention. standing across the bridge a few metres away from here, Izaya watches me with a ghost of a smile. … what… !? i focus my eyes to distinguish reality from imagination.

 

a train rattles by and the flea is gone. 

 

 

 

 


End file.
